How To Play WITH Your Children – It’s Harder Than It Sounds
Ask parents if they play with their children and they will
inevitably reply, “Of course I do.”
Chances are, however, that they are not really playing WITH. Adults tend to play near, at and around but
not quite with.
The most important part of a child’s day is play. It is through play that children experiment
with role playing, symbolism, rule setting and negotiating social
situations. They begin to develop
empathy, expand their vocabularies and create new brain connections. Children need to design their own play based
upon their view of the world. Young
children are very concrete and can only pretend that with which they are
familiar. They are also often unable to
differentiate between fantasy and reality.
That inability to separate the real from the imagined is what makes their
capacity to play so much deeper than that of an adult. Adults do not typically spend endless hours
in a doll’s imaginary world or putting toy cars through the toy car wash. Adults cannot stay in the realm of the
imagined. Not only can’t we stay, we are
challenged to enter it successfully.
In order to get a glimpse of how children see the world and to
determine what interests them, adults need to enter their play. Adults have to resist the overwhelming urge
to make the rules and steer the course of their children’s imagination. Adults tend to dictate play rather than join
it. When a grown up walks over and
dictates play – says, “Let’s do this” – the grown up has taken over the thinking
process. When adults become the active
thinkers, children become passive. They
become followers instead of leaders. It
is essential that adults do not take control of play.
The first steps in entering play are to wait for an invitation
and to observe. There are times when
children prefer to play alone or only with other children. Adults should not power their way into this
other world. Going over and trying to
join with them is, when you think about it, not very polite. It is not very different from that moment
when we are writing checks to pay bills and our children come over and grab the
pen. We are models of behavior in every
situation and play is no different. Pull
up a chair. Sit nearby on the floor and
wait. If the children want to play with
you, you will be invited. The children
will hand you a toy or begin to include you in conversation. While waiting for your invitation,
observe. The only way to truly enter
their play is to observe. Take note of
what exactly they are doing. Children
sitting around a table in a play kitchen may not actually be cooking. Children building with blocks could be
building anything – a tower, a roadway, an entire town. Adults should build what the children are
building to encourage their creativity and decision making skills.
Once you have been invited, ask questions. Ask who you are in their dramatic play or how
you can help with their construction project.
Asking rather than telling enables the children to keep the power in
their imaginary world. Children spend
most of their day without power. Adults
tell them when to awake, set the schedule of the day, and determine their meals
and more. The one time that children
really control their world is when they are pretending. Letting them be the leaders gives them the
gift of self-confidence. They can make
decisions that others will abide by and encourage. There is no greater lesson they can learn
about their abilities.
When I watch young children play and participate in their
imaginary world, I am in awe. They are
so much more capable than we often give them credit for being. They think of things I could not possibly
have added. They show us exactly who
they are and how they see the world around them. Play is the hard work of their development
and our window into their thoughts.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Read this blog for more
articles and learn about early childhood workshops for parents and early
childhood professionals - www.helpingkidsachieve.com
No comments:
Post a Comment